Title ~ My Life Without Garlic
Author ~ Bailey Bradford
Publisher ~ Totally Bound Publishing
Published ~ 16th June 2015
Some things in life just might be worth giving up garlic for.
It was simple curiosity that led Augustin to the vampire dating site—he thought it must be a joke started up by a bunch of weirdos. Man, was he right—but it just so happens that those weirdos really are vampires, and when one shows up at his place, Augustin’s world is turned upside down.
First he’s got a psychotic vampire to deal with. Then he’s got one who is much more fun hanging around.
Except now that Augustin knows that vampires exist, he can’t be left alive. Or can he? When an alternative is offered up, Augustin doesn’t care for it, either. After all, he doesn’t want to be whisked off to some disgusting vampire den.
Tony’s the vampire next in line to lead the coven. He wants to be a fair man, and that means arguing against killing Augustin. If he’s also attracted to the sarcastic, adorable man, where’s the harm in that?
The attraction between Augustin and Tony is undeniable, but deny it is what they both try to do. Someone is going to have to bend or break.
Publisher's Note: This book was previously available on the author’s blog.
Augustin is a man who "felt like he had a ticking time bomb in his chest instead of a heart." His father had died from a heart attack at the age of 43. Augustin was overweight, had high cholesterol and borderline blood pressure issues and he was only thirty five. So he knew he had to make some changes in his life. Aside from all of his health problems, Augustin is a hoot. For some random reason he tries to sign up on a vampire dating website and gets annoyed when his sign up doesn't go through. He must have a really active imagination because when he has trouble sleeping that night, and has to get up to pee, he keeps thinking he is hearing things, seeing things that aren't there, and is generally scaring the crap out of himself. It's hilarious.
Oh my God, it's like Salem's Lot! If I turn around and there's a floating dead guy or a kid tapping on the window, I'll drop dead of a heart attack!
The vampires of course are a little bit concerned about a man who tries so many different aliases to sign up to their website. So Tony, sends out Radney to go and check up on him. Unfortunately Radney gets off on frightening humans and he hasn't fed for a while so the visit doesn't go well (although it is totally hilarious), and Tony and Claude have to step in. Tony might be the youngest person in their coven, but he is the leader.
Augustin can't be allowed to live - know he knows about vampires he's a risk to them. So Tony and Claude and a feisty Chelsea take him back to their domain until they know what to do with him. Cue more side splitting humor. The banana scented dildo, the talk about being dead and zombies, and the door locks. So funny. One of the things I loved about this story is that neither of the MCs are perfect. Augustin has weight issues. Tony thinks he is a thick as a brick. They are totally perfect for each other. Overall this is a sweet story, not much angst at all, and I loved every page. Augustin is so snarky he just can't seem to help himself and while I thought Chelsea and Billie were a little over the top in their nastiness they didn't feature enough to bother me. Totally perfect read.
Favorite Quote: Maybe you wouldn't need blood so often if it wasn't all staying down south.